It's been almost two weeks since Nick left... What a weird feeling it is to not see him come through the door everyday just around 5:00. I'm still getting used to that. I used to plan my day around being home in time to take a shower and prepare dinner; now I don't know what to plan my day around! It certainly is strange.The days leading up to Nick's departure were some of the hardest days of my life. Everything made me cry, from folding his laundry to answering a "How are you doing?" question. I imagined dropping him off at the airport and just losing control. Surprisingly, I did better that day and all the days thus far than the few days before he left. My strength is growing, quite rapidly I might add.
He is still safe, in training, but as the days edge closer to him actually being deployed I get more and more anxious. I have so many questions. For example, will he be able to call me more than once a week? I know many of the troops there have internet access, but will he? Are the people on his team going to make smart decisions? All of these things going through my mind that I have no control of are driving me crazy. I am able to push it to the back of my mind, most of the time. But as I read on the EOD Memorial website and the news stations, I get scared. It's my own fault, I know. I am the one feeding this information into my ever-curious mind, but I think it is important that I know what is going on over there and the possibilities of something happening to him are not unthinkable. Just this week a tech was killed in Afganistan... I have faith in my husband to make the smartest judgement calls as he knows best, it's the other people I'm worried about. This is point where I have to let go, it is all in God's hands, and has been the whole time and always will be. Whatever happens (I pray Nick will come home safe and unharmed to me in 200 days) I know happens for a reason. It will make us stronger as individuals, it will allow our marriage to grow and it will help Nick become a better EOD Tech. I am so proud of him, and all the other servicemen serving our country!
hey jess! it really sucks that we have to go through this, but I am so glad we are going through it together. its just nice knowing that I am not the only one without her husband :( I totally feel the same way about everything you said. it sucks knowing that a team member could ruin everything, yet it could be the opposite. We just gotta have faith that everything will be ok and they are in the lords hands now. Nick is going to Afghanistan? Bummer. Andy will be in Iraq and he said he gets to Florida the day after Nick leaves. So they probably wont see eachother. That stinks. Are you staying in Italy byyourself the whole time he is gone? you are so brave. :)I didnt cry the last whole week with andy, but that last day i lost it as we only had a few hours left. but after that day i didnt cry at all. it really isnt fun at the begginning with 200 or more days ahead of you....but it will go by fast. Good luck to you!i will keep nick in my prayers!
ReplyDeleteStop reading things on the internet...it is hard to do but try not too...that is the worst thing! I am here for you!
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